The grieving process is the way we cope with the loss of someone or something we love, or any significant loss and life change. It can be a difficult and painful experience, but it can also help us heal and grow.
There are different models or theories that describe how people grieve.
Elisabeth Kübler-Ross was a Swiss-American psychiatrist who developed a model of five stages of grief, based on her work with terminally ill patients. The five stages are:
- Denial: This is the stage where the person refuses to accept the reality of their loss, and may try to avoid or ignore it.
- Anger: This is the stage where the person expresses their frustration, resentment, and rage towards the situation, themselves, or others.
- Bargaining: This is the stage where the person tries to negotiate or make deals with a higher power, themselves, or others, in order to postpone or reverse the loss.
- Depression: This is the stage where the person feels overwhelmed by sadness, hopelessness, and despair, and may withdraw from others and lose interest in life.
- Acceptance: This is the stage where the person comes to terms with their loss, and finds a way to cope and move on.
There is no right or wrong way to grieve, and no normal timetable for healing. Everyone grieves in their own way and at their own pace. Some people may feel better in weeks or months, while others may take years to adjust to their new reality.
Some of the things that can help us cope with our grief include:
- acknowledging our feelings and expressing them in healthy ways – talking, crying, writing, drawing or creating art;
- seeking support from family, friends, support groups, counselors, or other sources of comfort;
- taking care of our physical and mental health by eating well, sleeping enough, exercising regularly, and avoiding substance abuse;
- engaging in activities that bring us joy, relaxation, or fulfillment;
- honoring the memory of the person we lost by creating rituals, memorials, or tributes; and finding meaning and purpose in our life by exploring our values, goals, beliefs, or spiritualituality.
You can speak with your psychotherapist and create your grieving rituals which help you heal and cope with your loss.
Key References
Models of Grief
- Kübler-Ross, E. (1969). On Death and Dying. New York: Macmillan. Introduced the five stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance) based on work with terminally ill patients.
- Kübler-Ross, E., & Kessler, D. (2005). On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss. Scribner. Expanded the five-stage model to broader experiences of loss and bereavement.
- Stroebe, M., & Schut, H. (1999). The dual process model of coping with bereavement: Rationale and description. Death Studies, 23(3), 197–224. Proposes that grieving involves oscillating between loss-oriented and restoration-oriented coping.
Individual Differences in Grieving
- Bonanno, G. A. (2004). Loss, trauma, and human resilience: Have we underestimated the human capacity to thrive after extremely aversive events? American Psychologist, 59(1), 20–28. Highlights variability in grieving responses and resilience.
- Worden, J. W. (2009). Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy: A Handbook for the Mental Health Practitioner (4th ed.). Springer. Outlines tasks of mourning and emphasizes individualized grieving processes.
Coping Strategies
- Neimeyer, R. A. (2001). Meaning Reconstruction & the Experience of Loss. American Psychological Association. Focuses on finding meaning and creating rituals to cope with grief.
- American Psychological Association. (2023). Grief: Coping with the loss of a loved one. Provides practical coping strategies such as self-care, social support, and honoring the memory of the deceased.