Healthy Modes Blog

It often surprises us when people known for integrity, kindness, and strong values make poor decisions about their own lives. Yet psychology shows that virtue does not guarantee wise self‑choices. In fact, certain traits associated with virtue—such as selflessness, responsibility, and loyalty—can sometimes lead to self‑sacrifice at the expense of personal well‑being.

The Burden of High Standards

Virtuous individuals often hold themselves to unrelenting standards, believing they must always “do the right thing.” This can create internal pressure to prioritize others over themselves, even when it results in burnout or missed opportunities. Research on perfectionism and moral obligation suggests that people who strive for idealized standards may ignore their own needs, leading to poor self‑care and decision‑making (Stoeber & Otto, 2006).

Cognitive Biases and Emotional Distortions

Even virtuous people are vulnerable to cognitive biases. Confirmation bias may cause them to cling to beliefs that reinforce self‑sacrifice, while anchoring bias can lock them into decisions that no longer serve them. Emotional distortions, such as guilt or fear of disappointing others, further cloud judgment. As Breazeale (2021) notes, people often make bad choices because emotions override rational thought, even when they know better.

Ego Involvement and Identity

Virtuous individuals may also struggle with ego involvement—the tendency to protect their self‑image as “good” or “responsible.” This can lead them to double down on unhealthy commitments rather than reevaluate them. For example, staying in a draining job or relationship may feel like proof of loyalty, even though it undermines personal growth.

The Role of Psychotherapy

Psychotherapy can help virtuous individuals recognize these patterns and develop self‑compassion. By exploring schemas such as Unrelenting Standards or Self‑Sacrifice, therapy provides tools to balance caring for others with caring for oneself. Cognitive and schema‑focused approaches encourage healthier decision‑making by challenging distorted beliefs and fostering resilience.

Conclusion

Virtue is a strength, but without balance it can become a trap. Recognizing that even the most principled people are vulnerable to bias, guilt, and self‑sacrifice allows us to approach decision‑making with humility and care. Psychotherapy offers a path to align values with well‑being, ensuring that good intentions lead to good outcomes—not self‑harm.

Stoeber, J., & Otto, K. (2006). Positive conceptions of perfectionism: Approaches, evidence, challenges. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 10(4), 295–319.

Breazeale, R. (2021, November 3). Why do people make bad choices? Psychology Today

Going through IVF is often described as both hopeful and exhausting.

Each stage brings anticipation, uncertainty, and emotional intensity.

Accepting the process means recognizing that it is not only a medical journey but also an emotional one.

Self‑compassion, patience, and support networks are vital in managing the stress and maintaining resilience.

Research highlights that women undergoing IVF often experience heightened anxiety and emotional strain, making psychological support an important part of care (Greil, Slauson‑Blevins, & McQuillan, 2010).

IVF is not just about achieving pregnancy—it is about honoring the courage it takes to walk this path.

Greil, A. L., Slauson‑Blevins, K., & McQuillan, J. (2010). The experience of infertility: A review of recent literature. Sociology of Health & Illness, 32(1), 140–162.

Becoming a single mother can feel overwhelming, filled with uncertainty and change. Yet, it is also a powerful opportunity to rediscover strength and resilience.

Accepting this new role means honoring both the challenges and the courage it takes to face them. It’s about creating a safe, loving space for your child while learning to trust yourself in the process.

Support networks, self‑care, and small daily victories become anchors. Research shows that resilience and social support are key in adapting to single parenthood (Taylor, 2011).

Single motherhood is not a limitation—it is a testament to perseverance, love, and growth.

Taylor, R. J. (2011). Resilience and well-being among single mothers. Journal of Family Issues, 32(5), 593–622.

Losing a loved one in the family is one of the most profound and challenging experiences we can face. The grief that follows can be overwhelming, touching every aspect of our lives. Here’s an exploration of this difficult journey and some ways to cope with the loss.

The Impact of Loss

When a loved one passes away, the emotional impact can be immense. These feelings are natural and part of the grieving process.

The Grieving Process

Grief is a deeply personal experience and can vary greatly. There are resources and support systems available to help someone to navigate their grief.

Supporting someone who is grieving can be challenging, but your presence and understanding can make a significant difference.

Here are some ways you can offer support:

1. Be Here

Sometimes, just being there is enough. Your physical presence can offer comfort and a sense of security. You don’t always need to say something; simply sitting with them can be very supportive. Remember, your compassion and understanding can offer immense comfort to someone who is grieving. Just being there and showing that you are here. Holidays and family gatherings can also be difficult, as they highlight the absence of the loved one. Personal triggers can cause intense waves of grief. These include certain sights, sounds, smells, or places that remind you of your loved one. Certain sights, sounds, smells, or places that remind you of your loved one can cause intense waves of grief. These triggers can be unpredictable. They vary from person to person.

2. Listen Actively

Allow them to express their feelings without judgment. Listen more than you speak, and avoid offering unsolicited advice. Sometimes, they just need someone to hear them out.

3. Acknowledge Their Feelings

Confirm their emotions, whether it’s sadness, anger, or confusion. Let them know that it’s okay to feel whatever they are feeling and that their emotions are normal.

4. Offer Practical Help

Grief can make everyday tasks overwhelming. Offer to help with chores, cooking, or running errands. Specific offers like “Can I bring you dinner tomorrow?” can be more helpful than a general “Let me know if you need anything.”

5. Be Patient

Grieving is a long process, and everyone heals at their own pace. Be patient and understanding, even if it takes a long time for them to feel better.

6. Share Memories

If appropriate, share positive memories of the deceased. This can help the grieving person feel connected to their loved one and give comfort.

7. Encourage Professional Help

If they are overwhelmed by their grief, gently suggest seeking support from a grief counselor or therapist. Professional help can give them with tools to cope more effectively.

8. Respect Their Way of Grieving

Everyone grieves differently. Some want to talk about their loss, while others prefer to keep busy or be alone. Respect their way of coping and offer support in a way that aligns with their needs. Events like weddings, graduations, or the birth of a child can be bittersweet. These are times of joy. They can also bring a sense of sadness. They evoke longing for the loved one who is not there to share in the moment. Sometimes, the hardest moments come during quiet times. These moments create space to think and feel the full weight of the loss. These moments can be unexpected and catch you off guard.

9. Check In Regularly

Grief does not end after the funeral. Continue to check in on them in the weeks and months after the loss. Your ongoing support can be very meaningful.

Life never be the same after losing a loved one. Still, it is possible to find a new life afterwards.

Give permission: it’s okay to seek joy and happiness again. Your loved one would want you to live a fulfilling life.

10. Take Care of Yourself

Supporting someone who is grieving can be emotionally taxing. Make sure you also take care of your own emotional well-being and seek support if you need it.

It’s important to remember that these periods of intense grief are a normal part of the grieving process. Grief is a journey, and it’s okay to seek help along the way.

If you or someone you know is struggling with grief, don’t hesitate to reach out for help. There is strength in seeking support and in allowing yourself to grieve.

Low self-confidence can significantly impact various aspects of your life, from personal relationships to professional achievements. Here are some insights into understanding and addressing low self-confidence:

Signs of Low Self-Confidence

• Self-Doubt: Frequently questioning your abilities and decisions.
• Fear of Failure: Avoiding new challenges due to fear of not succeeding.
• Negative Self-Talk: Constantly criticizing yourself or focusing on your perceived flaws.
• Difficulty Accepting Compliments: Feeling uncomfortable or disbelieving when others praise you.
• Social avoidance or withdrawal.

Causes of Low Self-Confidence

• Past Experiences: Negative experiences, such as bullying or criticism, can erode self-confidence.
• Comparison to Others: Constantly comparing yourself to others can make you feel inadequate.
• Perfectionism: Setting unrealistically high standards for yourself can lead to feelings of failure.
• Lack of support or sense of social isolation.

Strategies to Improve Self-Confidence

1. Positive Self-Talk: Challenge negative thoughts and replace them with positive affirmations. Treat yourself with the same kindness you would offer a friend.
2. Set Achievable Goals: Break down larger goals into smaller, manageable tasks. Celebrate your progress, no matter how small.
3. Practice Self-Care: Taking care of your physical health can boost your mental well-being. Ensure you get enough sleep, eat a balanced diet, and engage in regular physical activity.
4. Learn New Skills: Acquiring new skills can boost your confidence in your abilities. Take up a hobby or enroll in a course that interests you.
5. Seek Support: Surround yourself with positive, supportive people. Consider talking to a therapist or counselor if you need professional guidance.
6. Face Your Fears: Gradually expose yourself to situations that make you uncomfortable.

Building Long-Term Confidence

• Reflect on Achievements: Keep a journal of your accomplishments and positive feedback you receive. Reflecting on these can remind you of your strengths.
• Practice Gratitude: Regularly acknowledging what you are grateful for can shift your focus from negative to positive aspects of your life.
• Develop Assertiveness: Learn to express your needs and opinions confidently and respectfully. 

Improving self-confidence is a journey that takes time and effort. Be patient with yourself and recognize that building confidence is a gradual process. Remember, you are capable and worthy of achieving your goals.

Schema therapy offers a comprehensive approach to improving self-confidence by addressing the deep-rooted beliefs and emotional wounds that contribute to low self-esteem. By working with a trained therapist, you can identify and change these negative patterns, leading to a more positive and confident self-image.

The concept of a dopamine detox was first introduced by psychologist and professor PhD. Dr. Cameron Sepah as: an evidence-based technique to manage addictive behaviors, by restricting them to specific periods of time, and practicing fasting from impulsively engaging in them, in order to regain behavioral flexibility.

What Is Dopamine?

• Dopamine is a neurotransmitter in the brain that plays various roles, including learning, motivation, sleep, mood, and attention.
• It is naturally produced by the body and acts as a chemical messenger.
• Both excess and deficiency in dopamine production can impact mental health.

The Idea Behind a Dopamine Detox:

• During a dopamine detox, individuals avoid dopamine triggers for a set period, ranging from an hour to several days.
• The goal is to reduce dependence on the emotional “hits” that dopamine provides, which can sometimes lead to dependence or addiction.
• Common compulsive behaviors targeted during a dopamine detox include:
  • Emotional eating
  • Excessive internet usage and gaming
  • Gambling and shopping
  • Porn and masturbation
  • Thrill and novelty seeking
  • Recreational drug use etc.

Reducing dependence on dopamine triggers involves mindful strategies and lifestyle adjustments. Here are some practical steps to help you achieve a healthier balance:

1. Awareness and Mindfulness:
   • Recognize the activities or situations that trigger dopamine rushes. These could be social media, gaming, or other instant gratifications.
   • Observe how these triggers affect your mood, behavior, and overall well-being.
2. Gradual Reduction:
   • Gradually decrease the time spent on dopamine-triggering activities.
   • For example, if you spend hours on social media, start by reducing it to a specific time window each day.
3. Replace with Healthy Alternatives:
   • Replace dopamine-triggering activities with healthier ones. Engage in activities that provide a sense of accomplishment or relaxation.
   • Examples:
     • Exercise: Physical activity releases endorphins, which contribute to a positive mood.
     • Reading: Dive into a good book or explore educational content.
     • Hobbies: Pursue hobbies or interests that engage your mind and creativity.
4. Set Boundaries:
   • Limit screen time: Set boundaries for social media, gaming, and other digital activities.
   • Use apps: Consider using apps that track and limit your screen time.
5. Practice Delayed Gratification:
   • Delay rewards: Instead of instantly gratifying yourself, delay rewards. For instance, wait before checking notifications or messages.
   • Learn patience: Understand that not everything needs an immediate response.
6. Mindful Consumption:
   • Food and substances: Be mindful of how certain foods, caffeine, or alcohol affect your dopamine levels.
   • Moderation: Enjoy treats in moderation rather than relying on them excessively.
7. Social Connections:
   • Quality over quantity: Focus on meaningful interactions with friends and family.
   • Face-to-face: Spend time with loved ones in person.
8. Practice Gratitude:
   • Reflect daily: Acknowledge and appreciate the positive aspects of your life.
   • Gratitude journal: Write down things you’re thankful for.
9. Seek Professional Help:
   • If dependence on dopamine triggers significantly impacts your life, consider seeking guidance from a therapist or counselor.

Remember that balance is key. It’s okay to enjoy dopamine-triggering activities, but maintaining a healthy equilibrium is essential for overall well-being. 

Depression is a common and serious mood disorder that affects how you feel, think, and behave. It can cause persistent feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and loss of interest in daily activities. It can also affect your physical health, sleep, appetite, and energy levels. Depression is not a sign of weakness or a character flaw. It is a treatable condition that has many possible causes, such as genetics, brain chemistry, stress, trauma, and social factors.

Depression can affect anyone, regardless of age, gender, race, or background. However, some people may be more at risk than others.

Depression can also vary in severity, duration, and type. There are different types of depression, such as major depressive disorder, persistent depressive disorder, bipolar disorder, seasonal affective disorder, and postpartum depression. Each type has its own symptoms and treatment options.

If you think you may have depression, it is important to seek professional help. Depression can get worse without proper treatment and can lead to serious complications, such as suicide. There are effective treatments for depression, such as medication, psychotherapy, or a combination of both. There are also natural remedies and lifestyle changes that can help you cope with depression, such as exercise, meditation, social support, and healthy habits.

Depression is not something you have to face alone. There is hope and help available for you. You can start by talking to someone you trust, such as a friend, family member, or health care provider.

Remember, depression is not your fault, and you are not alone. You deserve to feel better and enjoy life.

A perfectionistic over-controller is a type of coping mode that some people use to avoid criticism and misfortune by striving for perfection and avoiding errors. People with this mode may spend excessive amounts of time and energy on tasks that require high standards, such as work, study, or grooming.

Its function is to create a distance from vulnerable feelings through the cultivation of a sense of “being on top of something,” or “being in control of something.” 

Perfectionistic over-controller mode can cause a lot of stress, anxiety, and exhaustion, as well as interfere with one’s relationships, self-esteem, and happiness.

If you think that you have a perfectionistic or/and an over-controller coping mode, you may benefit from schema therapy or other approach that can help you challenge your unrealistic expectations and develop more balanced and flexible mindset.

New Year’s resolutions are goals that people set for themselves at the beginning of a new year. They are often related to improving one’s health, happiness, or personal growth. Some examples of common New Year’s resolutions are: lose weight, eat healthier, exercise more, save money, quit smoking, spend more time with family, learn a new skill, travel more, read more books, be more organized etc.

However, many people find it hard to keep their New Year’s resolutions for long.

Some of the reasons why people fail to stick to their resolutions are: setting unrealistic goals, not having a clear plan or strategy, losing motivation or interest, facing obstacles or challenges, giving up to easily or being too hard on themselves etc.

To increase your chances of keeping your New Year’s resolutions, you can try some of the following tips:

• Make your goals S.M.A.R.T. (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound)
• Break down your goals into smaller and manageable steps
• Track your progress and celebrate your achievements
• Seek support and accountability from others
• Be flexible and adaptable to changing circumstances
• Learn from your mistakes and setbacks
• Remind yourself of your reasons and benefits
• Reward yourself for your efforts and commitment etc.

Making New Year’s resolutions can be a great way to start the new year with a positive and optimistic mindset. It can also help you to challenge yourself and grow as a person. However, remember that you don’t have to wait for the new year to make changes in your life. You can always set new goals and pursue your dreams at any time of the year. The most important thing is to enjoy the journey and have fun along the way.

Do you have any New Year’s resolutions for 2024? I would love to hear them.